Dreams

I've been dreaming a lot again; more than usual.
but the dreams are always consistent.. in the same way they're inconsistent.
Every one seems so different, so radically bizarre
but they've all had some similar themes
themes that have been escaping me for the longest time
that I haven't been able to understand.

One day I stopped to think about them
About all the dreams I've ever had;
The ones I remember best.

I realized then that one theme that kept resurfacing
was running, hiding; escaping.
I was fleeing murderers. Fire in a burning building,
rabid dogs, people I knew or even things as ridiculous as giant, german-speaking swiffer wipes.
And I don't know a word of german or use swiffer products.

What I was running from is one thing
but how I got away was another.
The more I think about it, it all seems to be symbollic.
Hiding or turning invisible means I'm overlooked.
Grabbing onto something like a giant purple bird or a free-roaming birthday party balloon attached to a string seems symbollic of surfacing, overcoming..
but if I'm still leaving all the bad things down below
no matter how far down
its always going to be there
and never going to resolve itself
I'd just keep it down, as far as possible.. because the higher I'd be, the harder it'll be able to see that there's still something there that was never dealt with.

I know I've pieced a lot of it together; I get what some of them are saying, I know how they connect.. but I don't know the next step. I don't know what I'm supposed to do other than realize somethings not fixed. The things that have been pointed out to me are things that everyone could fix; things that always seem to be a work-in-progress and never an achievement.

I can't help but feel I'm missing something.. something huge and more significant. I feel like I'm putting pieces of a puzzle together.. Things seem to make sense as they fit in with other pieces, but the more I solve, the picture seems to become more distorted.. it's like slowly realizing, after spending so much time with one puzzle, that the completed picture can't be understood; it comes across as foreign, invasive and irrelevant at the same time.

Maybe I can only understand it in pieces, in succession. But if that's the case; why IS there a big picture? Why do I feel like they all lead in to something more? I never would have thought that there'd be something more important, more personal than what seemed like the everyday reminder.

Then again, maybe I'm blind to it for a reason.
I don't know. But I'm sure it'll come in time.


I've talked to the people I've tagged about this somewhat. You guys know what I mean when I talked about my dreams before hand.
But one last thing I wanted to mention to is that they're starting to change. The themes are still there, but they're not usually applied to me. They're applied to people I'm with in a dream. And now my roles have changed; now I have to be the perseverer, the heroine, the diplomat, the final solution, the leader of great things.
I can understand to a degree; but i get the feeling that its meant in a general way, not just for a temporary setting. For someone who shys away from the spotlight, its hard to understand.

This could all just be me, the overactive thinker with a relentless imagination
but I still can't shake the feeling, and thats what gets me.